Is it Easier to Co-habitate?

A couple decided to marry. He had received a PhD and had a job but she was still working on her PhD. With his career on track and a future wife selected, it might appear that he had made the big decisions. Yet, in the course of their courtship, they had to make a series of tough choices. 

First, they had to decide whether to live together. This decision involved weighing the virtues of independence against the virtues of interdependence, and measuring various practical advantages (convenience, financial savings) of living together against possible parental disapproval. 

Next they had to decide when (and how) to get married.  Should they wait until their respective careers were more settled or not? 

Should they have a religious ceremony, and if so, would it be his religion or hers?  

Having decided to marry, the couple had to decide if they should merge their finances or keep them separate, and if separate, how they should handle joint expenses. 

With marital decisions settled, they next had to face the dilemma of children. Should they have them? 

Yes, they easily decided. However, the question of timing led to another series of choices involving ticking biological clocks, the demands of finishing PhDs, and uncertainty about future employment circumstances. 

They also had to resolve the question of religion. Were they going to give their kids a religious upbringing, and if so, in whose religion? 

Next came a series of career-related choices. 

Should they each look for the best possible job and be open to the possibility that they might have to live apart for some time? 

If not, whose career should get priority? 

In looking for jobs, should they restrict their search to be near his family or her family, or should they ignore geography completely and just look for the best jobs they could find in the same city, wherever it was? 

Facing and resolving each of these decisions, all with potentially significant consequences, was difficult. They thought that they had already made the hard decisions when they fell in love and made a mutual commitment.